The Narcissist Family Files Blog is an award-winning international resource for survivors of narcissistic abuse and trauma, founded by journalist and author of The Narcissist in Your Life Julie L. Hall. Here you will find insight and a vocabulary for your experiences, as well as strategies for coping and healing.
Narcissism Is an Abusive Disorder
Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are extreme and disabling conditions most likely the result of insecure attachment in infancy and childhood. The narcissistic personality fails to develop stable self-esteem or empathy for others, and s/he mounts a defense against underlying feelings of shame and inadequacy with self-aggrandizing compensations.
The narcissistic personality is by definition abusive. Life with a narcissist is chaotic, combative, debilitating, and oftentimes dangerous. Partners and children are targeted with manipulation, distortions, lies, rage, blame, projecting, belittling, gaslighting, and many other destructive tactics meant to scaffold the narcissist’s grandiose yet hopelessly fragile self. If you have narcissistic family members, you have experienced trauma, and you may be suffering with symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
Getting Help
As someone looking for help, you still may be in the thick of it with the narcissist in your life or perhaps you are trying to make sense of the past. Either way, the fact that you are looking for answers to the madness is good news. Acknowledging that there is a problem and working to understand it are the first steps toward healing. Through understanding, we learn that
- we are not alone;
- we are not to blame for how we have been hurt (contrary to what we have been told); and
- we can release the emotional and physiological pain and damage we have carried, many of us since birth.
For those of you looking to connect and receive more support, Julie offers phone coaching. Because most therapists are not trained in treating narcissistic abuse trauma, specialized coaching has become a lifeline for recovery. Talking with people who understand narcissism and the trauma surrounding it is essential to healing. Julie is a recognized expert on recovery from narcissistic abuse who works with clients around the world.
About This Website
This website contains upwards of 75 articles about NPD and narcissistic abuse trauma and recovery. Many of them first appeared in Psychology Today, HuffPost, and elsewhere. You can use the search function on the Home page to look for topics, or you can scroll down the Home page to find every article on this site.
Testimonials
Julie hears from readers every day. Here are samples of what people are saying about her writing (read more):
“Thank God I finally found a wonderful therapist and you. Now I’m reborn at age 38, and since that day about a month ago, I have searched the internet and spent countless hours reading blogs and watching videos. Yours is the only one that gets everything right, every time. I feel like I know you. I don’t want to miss a post.” —Laura
“I found your website on narcissistic families yesterday and wanted to thank you for putting it out into the world: It is a true godsend! It is the best resource for survivors of narcissistic parenting and abuse I have found—well-written and highly informative. Thank you so much! Good luck with your books, I will be following your blog and be reading them when they come out!” —Wendy Gillissen, clinical psychologist & author
“I’ve been voraciously reading your articles on HuffPost. I am somewhat in utter disbelief that someone can so accurately describe my childhood growing up under a narcissist mother and enabling father. Looking forward to reading more. Just wanted to say thank you for helping make a stranger feel like I am not crazy finally!” —Dan
About Julie L. Hall
Julie is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life, coming December 3, 2019, from Hachette Books. Preorder your copy now. Julie writes about narcissism for outlets such as Psychology Today, HuffPost, Psych Central, and Your Tango, and she has been interviewed as an expert about narcissism by HuffPost and Vogue/Goop. Julie is a career writer/author on a wide range of subjects. She began writing about narcissism and founded this website to understand her experience growing up in a narcissistic family and to work her way out of corrosive narcissistic relationships and trauma as an adult.
Julie welcomes your feedback. You may post your thoughts in the comments section under individual posts. Or you may email her at contact@julielhall.com.
To receive new articles and information about Julie’s book, subscribe for email notifications on the Home page, or send her an email with “subscribe” in the subject line.
Giving Back
Here are ways you can give back and help this important, free resource thrive:
- Give Julie’s book to family and friends.
- Share what you see here.
- Like The Narcissist Family Files on Facebook.
- Make a donation.
- Buy Julie coffee!
Start Reading
Here are some articles to get started with:
The Narcissistic Family: Cast of Characters and Glossary of Terms
Behind the Narcissist Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar and Fraud
Raised by a Narcissist? 11 Healing Things to Do for Yourself Right Now
Why Narcissists Will Never Love You and It’s Dangerous to Love Them
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1 Comment
I’ve read and read but there is nothing about living 35 years with your only child daughter and just now discovering there may be a reason as to why I’ve been her punching bag over the years. There’s a huge difference in me and everybody else talking about it, I can’t walk away and I can’t get on board with there not being any help for her. She has all the traits they talk about but at the same time she is one of the most tender hearted human beings I’ve ever met. I’m not just saying this because she’s my daughter either. For some reason this tender heart got tucked away when she left home for college. I can’t help but think her cruel behavior is self preservation but I don’t understand why. She married a wonderful Canadian boy and they have a beautiful 5 year old son. She cast me out of their lives 10 months ago which is literally putting me in the grave, they are my world. I was a single parent and never needed a thing in this world but her. I contracted fibromyalgia when she was around four years old but I struggled through everyday to see she had an education and her life was better. I’m a simpleton who is very aware of the importance of people and giving and she was following right along in my footsteps until age 18. She was a perfect child and I supported her in everything. I stood firm against her outrages and they could be very, very trying sometimes especially when your in pain. I’m not in good health and she is 2,000 miles away however I fear she will never have peace in her life if she doesn’t get some serious help. I can’t communicate with my son in law because she has put her bad behavior off on me so long he can’t see any other way but hers. It was one thing for her to always blame me for everything leaving me sobbing but now my grandson got pulled in and I’m sure, hurt. We spent hours with each other on FaceTime and were the best of friends. I know in my heart this is killing her too but her hands are tied by her own rope. Anything you have to offer, I would be so grateful.