Those of us with the misfortune of having a narcissist in our life, currently or formerly, are intimately familiar with narcissist rage. Here is a real-life damage list of some things raging narcissists have broken or destroyed. (Edited for clarity.)
Damage List
“I’ve replaced household furnishings in their entirety over the years…broken tables, lamps, chairs, even artwork torn from the walls and broken, even my car transmission by slamming it into park when I tried to leave him. But I think the topper was an entire range/stove. After confronting him about suspected infidelity, the argument ensued and not only did he break the dining room table by throwing it across the room, he threw a coffee cup right through the oven door. And yes, he was cheating….again. After almost 15 years of this roller coaster ride through hell… I finally left.”
—Tammy
“He killed my dog . . . and a kitten the following summer.”
—Rebecca
“Mine killed my cat.”
—Sue
“Everything! Lamps, walls, DVDs, pictures, items from my deceased grandma, vintage records—always my things—doors, plates, chairs, cups, tables, my heart, my spirit, my soul. [He] stabbed a ketchup bottle with a pairing knife screaming ‘die bitch die’ and told me I’m lucky it wasn’t me. And his favorite ‘throw’ was throwing me and my daughter out of the house in the cold, without car keys, locking us out.”
—Rebecca
“Ribs, feet, jaw, fingers, knee caps, eye socket, teeth, and nose . . . my dog’s ribs, eyeglasses, many phones, three laptops, mirrors, windows in car, TV, safe, jewelry, and so much more . . . my spirit but never my will to survive.”
—Katt
“The NARC drove the $25K John Deere tractor through the garage door when I called the bookkeeper about our company expenses—?! He also SMASHED my Macbook Pro on the floor in front of our children when I didn’t take his food out of the oven in time. I could go on and on. . . .”
–Adrienne
“Empty wine bottles.”
—Rosemary
“Phone, laptop, toys, headphones . . . and an endless list of stuff he hid all for reasons God only knows.”
—Sofia
“He smashed an acoustic guitar at the end of the driveway and into our street and left it there.”
—Faith
“My sister’s bird. The jar of orange juice against the kitchen wall in the mornings. Walls, doors, mirrors, my brother’s kite . . .”
—Julie
“Broke my will to live.”
—Samuel
“He threw my pet cat out a third-story window.”
—Raquel
“My grandparents’ vintage wedding photo that we thought was missing and finally found.”
—Patti
“A car windshield and the grocery cart he threw into it, a TV, my dresser, a kids piggy bank, a few cars, his friend’s nose (LOL), a fence, a few walls. That’s all I care to remember right now.”
—Sue
“My ex once punched a hole in the wall and then ripped the entire 4′ x 8′ sheet of drywall down. I’m excellent at drywall work, thanks to him.”
—Mary
“My 2,000-piece puzzle I spent two months working on (I have PTSD, and it was a way to cope). My China hutch—he pushed it off a porch when we were moving ’cause I couldn’t hear him due to partial deafness. He burned irreplaceable family pictures (of deceased loved ones); broke my fingers (4), my teeth, two laptops, a few phones, tables, and my taillight on my car. He punched the fridge and dented it really good and two bathroom doors (trying to get to me ’cause I was trying to get away from him), knick knacks, plates, glasses, and that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.”
—Erica
“I lost count of how many cell phones. . . .”
—Dani
“As a teenager she broke my first digital camera . . . because I had used the phone.”
“Everything: my soul and spirit and furniture, dishes, my Christmas angel, my heart. . . .”
—Lititia
“Burnt all my clothes and stuff. Punched holes in doors, etc. Emptied bank accounts . . . I have a list.”
—Melissa
“He threw my makeup bag across the room, broke a lamp, punched holes in the walls, hit me in the face with the screen door, and many more things I have forgotten over the years.”
—Annie
“Walls, brand new 65-inch TV, ceiling fan with the barstool that he also broke.”
—Tastee
“A cute audiotape of our girls when they were little. He broke it in half and hurled it out into the yard.”
—Deb
“My computer, my children’s hearts, my soul—tortured the heart and soul out of me for years!!! Mean Drunk!!! Control Freak!!!!”
—Lisa
“Besides a few of my bones, he ripped and shredded my clothes and threw out all of my dad’s belongings including a heart remembrance necklace with my dad’s ashes in it (my dad had passed away). I was devastated.”
—Jen
“Walls. Doors. Phones. Dishes. Me.”
—Genie
“She Broke My Heart!”
—Will
“His hand from punching the wall.”
—Mindy
“Photo frames, hair, hip, diary, earrings, car, friends, and family.”
—Angel
“Vacuum, ironing board, sewing machine.”
—Laura
“In a beautiful case of Karma and poetic justice, he once broke his own toe by kicking his own truck, and that was just an awesome thing!”
—Michele
“X-Box controller. Glasses.”
—Ludmilla
“My electronics and my face.”
—Sarah
“Pole over my head, lol, stupid cow.”
—Glen
“You name it, he broke it! I was trying to leave once and he threw every bottle of my perfume—nail polish, dish, etc. Then he grabbed my new Ralph Lauren coat (just bought it for me for Christmas) and was trying to mop up the polish!”
—Mindy
“Every bit of glass that I had in the kitchen.”
—Elaine
“My phones and my bones.”
—Niki
“My heart, my soul, my self-esteem, my happiness, my confidence . . .”
—Tania
“Me, shelves, pictures, my glasses, smashed my make-up.”
—Annie
“Broke my kids and my spirit.”
—Meeghan
“My back.”
—Leslie
Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free from Hachette Books.
Need support? Julie provides specialized narcissistic abuse recovery coaching to clients around the world.
Related Articles by Julie L. Hall
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- Why and How Narcissists Play the Shame Game
- Waking Up to Narcissistic Abuse
- Big Sissies: How and Why Narcissists Get Worse with Age
- How and Why Narcissists Are Highly Skilled Abusers
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- It’s You and Me Baby: Narcissist Head Games
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- 4 Insidious Ways That Narcissistic Abuse Isolates the Victim
- Behind the Narcissist Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar and Fraud
- How to Protect Your Child from Your Narcissist Spouse
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- The Strength of the Scapegoat in the Narcissist Family
- Adult Children of Narcissists Face Trauma-Induced Health Risks
- Seven Sure Ways to Spot a Narcissist
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View Comments (24)
Jabbed my chest where I had heart surgery,upended the table broke art on the wall put a hole in the wall shoved a dog carrier into me while on the floor punched my dog in the head abused my Pitt if she got too close to me called me unspeakable names took jewelry never helped with any bills punched my arm raged about using my truck when he had one
I sincerely hope you have found your way out of that abusive madness, Arline. I wish for you better things ahead.
What Tania said....My heart, my soul, my self-esteem, my happiness, my confidence . . .”
posturing, sulking, running ahead of me, turning his back on me, refusing all eye contact, flirting with other women, ths quiet personalized rage was his favourite, he enjoyed being abusive.
I left without warning after rage three, they grew worse and more frequent, he could kill, I saw it.
Between both my parents it might be easier to list what HASN'T been broken...
He has broken my trust, my innocence, my hopefulness, my past belief that I deserved a happy life, my smile. I’ve been through a lot in my life especially when young. I survived somehow keeping a sense of hopefulness inside me that life would be better. I used to smile always and loved to laugh. I love the simplest of things, like a new flower blooming in my garden or making cookies. Now, after 7 years of being stonewalled, denied, degraded, judged harshly and punished wrongly, I am hardly able to get out of bed each day, if at all. For example, this last Friday, he accused me of cheating. He told me I was never to be respected, I was dirty, I wasn’t worth being touched ever again and since then I have been cold shouldered with occasional texts giving the impression I’m trash. I’ve never cheated on him. I haven’t been able to get out of bed since. I am alone all the time now. I don’t care about the simple things because I have no reason to think I’m good enough to be listened to, appreciated, noticed, loved, touched. He broke my spirit. I don’t think I’ll get it back. I can’t even get myself to stop seeing him or needing him. It’s a nightmare of relentless pain. The tornado he throws at me hits hard and is always unpredictable. There is no chance of getting to shelter.
How a person breaks someone down like this is beyond anything I can understand. I just hope that I’ll be ok one day and that he doesnt hurt anyone else.
The person who used to smile and laugh is still there. Imagine that you are a child who desperately needs help to get out. Don't give up on that child. She needs you.
He sounds like my mother. Please try to find away out. He will never change. My childhood was horrible. I now suffer from horrible depression. My mom moved in with me after she sold her house. When she went out of the country, I sold the house. I told her I loved her but she was poison. I would love her from afar. I brought her things to my brother's house and never looked back. I am now trying to find the strength to find my light.
Your abuser saw something genuine and beautiful in you that threatened his false sense of self. My hated me because I was smart and funny and kind. All the things she is not. RUN. You're worthy and loveable. Don't let someone who is devoid of empathy take your soul. Shine your light.
Most recently, he threw a dish through the window in the living room, because I wouldn't admit to "having an affair": an accusation with absolutely no merit.
(His tirade that day was what made me suspect that perhaps it was HE who was cheating, and projecting his behavior onto me.)
Pulled blinds off wall at least a few times a year blames me for being usless not being real man fixing house..like it's my job to devote my life to fixing kicked in door hinges, blinds pulled off walls. Raging psycho woman from hell, but somehow always spun it as she being the poor victim, everyone mistreating her.
This stuff you have posted has completely and utterly freaked me out.... Mr Narc is a lot of these things and has beat me .... I just needed to find out what was going on and why I didn't please him. Why he always second guessed me.... why he was so jealous when I got promoted and started earning a real good salary. Why he blamed me for having the children, why we were always so utterly broke, why if we weren't ready to go somewhere when he got really pissed off. If I looked what I thought was nice .... he say those jeans are too tight don't you think. How come your at a night club are you trying to pick someone up..... I've been packing my rental house down for the past 4 - 5 weeks.... It's just the silent treatment no comments no nothing..... he left me his share of the rent two weeks ago.... when I asked if he was going to contribute to food - NO I'm just going to eat all the food in the freezer and the cupboards and f*ck you if you think I'm going to help you get any more. I agreed and said fine eat it all...... I just buy what I need as I need it.... as long my SON has food that he enjoys in the house I don't give a f*ck if he eats it all.
From the stories it sounds like the calm before the storm.... I'm going to have to call our adult son's around when I move in case this "F*CKER" try's to take me out.
37 years of torment and I found out the name of this sick f*ckers illness.... I know and he knows I know..... I don't know but I think I'm ok - I had the biggest cry about 5 weeks ago.... it felt like I had attended a funeral and buried someone.... I know who that someone was - It's the f*cker that has attempted to suck my soul out of me.
I apologise for the swearing..... however, it relieves my inner self to express myself this way..... Lord forgive me.... funny thing is though..... I don't hate him - I feel sorry for him..... I started to heal myself - take time to put makeup on after years of not doing this - taking care of my inner soul - I even got the courage to ring a friend who my ex shrewdly managed to help me discard a few years ago.
When I called her OMG it was like we've never stopped talking ..... I told her I was sorry for the shitty stuff I put her through and sorry for the crap that had happened and admitted that I wasn't well in head due to the ex exploiting me from the age of 16 years old. I told her how I thought it was me not doing things right for the ex ... she stopped right there and said IT'S NEVER BEEN YOU IT'S YOUR EX .......
So gorgeous people find yourself, love yourself, heal your mind, heart, body and soul - reach out to someone who had been pushed out because of the ugliness, reconnect. I have asked a higher power to help me and I know he has a plan for me.... the plan may be slow .... but it is clear.... I have my up and down days BUT mostly up's ..... then out of the BLUE SOME ONE CALLS and gives me the energy I much need to keep on my Journey. Healing is healthy, I am learning and will continue to learn to love me, get to know me again, trust me and above all, DO NOT LET YOUR HEART talk you into anything else but healing
AMEN
Egg on my car, picture frames, he let his dog kill 2 of my dogs and constantly attack my other dogs, hides keys, takes my personal documents and hides them, broke the fence yard, took bank acct to cleaners and left me with negative, kicks me, left hand prints on me, pushes me down to only say it was my fault - I did it to myself and in my imagination that he touched me.
Both of my parents are narcs and this is a combined list of the things they have broken:
windows, doors, walls, dishes, glasses (drinking and the kind used to see), a clock, cars, TVs, board games, gaming console, Mom burned an expensive collection of Dad's comics and trading cards (MTG), clothing, a fence, large outside trampoline, Dad broke and stole from his kid's piggy bank, Mom used all the money in the bank account we had to share because I was a minor (it was supposed to be my college fund, instead I went nearly 20k in debt to finish). I'm sure there is more but I can't think of it right now.