Children of narcissistic parents, particularly those targeted as scapegoats, experience brain alterations in response to a relentlessly stressful, changing, and unsafe environment.

Lacking empathy and constantly needing to bolster their unstable self-esteem at the expense of others, particularly their families, narcissistic parents are disastrous caregivers who cause lasting trauma in their children. Such children become hypervigilant to attack, whether emotional, psychological, or physical, and their body’s emergency response system (limbic system) is constantly turned on, a sustained condition that it is not designed for.

Often parentified—or made responsible for emotional and physical burdens beyond their maturity level—such children carry a heavy weight that dogs them throughout their lives. They may become hypersensitive, perfectionist, and overresponsible for others, struggling with healthy boundaries and deep wounds.

Children under such circumstances commonly develop complex PTSD, including

  1. difficulty regulating emotions;
  2. nightmares;
  3. insomnia;
  4. flashbacks;
  5. a harsh inner critic;
  6. hypervigilance;
  7. anxiety and panic attacks;
  8. avoidant behaviors; and
  9. difficulty trusting others.

Children of narcissistic parents may also experience

  1. vulnerability to depression;
  2. anger or sublimated anger directed at self;
  3. compromised immune systems;
  4. a range of health problems, often mystifying to medical doctors;
  5. perfectionism; and
  6. vulnerability to addictions.

Brain influence of narcissist parentsSome children of narcissists develop NPD themselves. They experience fundamental invalidation of their authentic self, and, like their NPD parent(s), fail to form a secure identity, self-esteem, and empathy. Such individuals in many respects remain primitive young children who are profoundly self-centered and endlessly and ruthlessly demanding of attention and praise at any cost to those around them.

But although some children of narcissists become narcissists themselves, most do not, just as the majority of abused people do not become abusers.

Although scapegoated children are typically hit hardest by narcissistic abuse compared to those in the golden child role, they are also are more likely to resist the family patterns and break free. This can be because they are by nature more independent-minded, which threatened their narcissist parent(s) and made them a target. It also may be because they have less investment in the family system, giving them more license and motivation to get out.

The scapegoats’ vulnerabilities are often also their most powerful strengths. They may become highly empathetic, having been trained to put others’ needs first. They also may become unusually self-reflective, seeking out insight and awareness to make sense of the abuse and cognitive dissonance they endured. Many are able to carry such awareness forward into healthy relationships, breaking the cycle of abuse with their own children.

Listen to Julie interviewed on The Addicted Mind Podcast and Narcissist Apocalypse Podcast.

Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free from Hachette Books.

Need support? Julie provides specialized narcissistic abuse recovery coaching to clients around the world.  

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Lead image courtesy of Sean MacEntee.