So, yeah, I know too well why you’re reading this right now. Whether or not you like being called “Dude,” you’re here looking for answers, understanding, insight, validation for the crazy hellfire you’ve lived through with narcissism.

Maybe you’re still in the thick of it, filled with confusion, anger, and despair. Or maybe you’re out of the crosshairs and dealing with the aftermath: messy entanglements, nightmares, panic attacks, and bizarre unexplained illnesses. Either way, your experience with narcissism has programmed you to blame yourself, and you’re filled with doubt and self-criticism.

Of course your parents loved you. Of course your partner isn’t that bad. Of course—because parents and spouses love their children and husbands and wives, right?

No. No. And no. I hate being the bearer of bitter truth, but let’s get real—you knew it already.

This is where I harshly tell you to get a grip because narcissists are different animals, and you’re damaged goods. Yes, you’re damaged. I’m not going to lie.

If you’ve dealt with a narcissistic personality disordered parent close person in your life, you’ve been traumatized, intensely. I tell you this as someone who is traumatized, intensely, but who is also a survivor, which you already are too whether you realize it yet or not.

People with NPD are damaged children. They do not develop a secure sense of identity, stable self-esteem, or the ability to empathize with others. Yes, it is tragic. And yet so many victims of abuse do not become abusers. Case in point, you and me.

Personally, I vacillate between pity/love/concern for the narcissists in my life and hard-won reality checks about their stunning selfishness and serial abuse. So, again, I remind you to get a hold of yourself, stop taking responsibility for sh*t that isn’t your fault or burden (contrary to how you’ve been trained), and step forward with your own life, apart from that of the emotionally primitive narcissist(s) in your life.

That’s it. That’s the message for tonight. Sleep tight, and don’t let those bedbugs bite.

Helpful? Buy me a coffee.Helpful? Buy me a coffee.

Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free from Hachette Books.

Need support? Julie provides specialized narcissistic abuse recovery coaching to clients around the world.  

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Image courtesy of Matteo J. Coccia.