Published in The Huffington Post 2/27/2017   The narcissistic family scapegoat receives the brunt of the narcissist parents’ projected shame, rage, and unhappiness. It is a painful role but not without its own forms of redemption.

The Narcissistic Family Scapegoat

mountain goat--the narcissist family scapegoatNarcissistic parents are well aware of who in their sphere is most manipulable and who is most independent-minded, and they often target the child who poses the greatest threat to the family narrative. Such a child is most apt to defend her-/himself and others, speak the truth, and fight for fairness within the cruel and corrupt family system.

The narcissistic family scapegoat feels the acute injustice of her/his role. It is confusing, maddening, and isolating, and it frequently carries with it emotional and physiological damage (CPTSD) that can last a lifetime. But the scapegoat’s position in the family may also reinforce that child’s strength, concern for justice, and compassion for others, all things that can serve her or him well as a survivor.

Scapegoat Traits

  1. Strong-willed
  2. Empathic
  3. Justice-seeking
  4. Internalizes blame
  5. Emotionally reactive
  6. Highly sensitive
  7. Protective of others
  8. Questions authority
  9. Care-taking
  10. “Different” in some way

The Biblical Scapegoat

The Old Testament‘s Leviticus 16 told of sacrificial “scapegoats” [see Ed Stetzer]. One goat was mortally sacrificed, while another was cast into the wilderness to carry away the sins of man, both to release humanity of its guilt, which is the biblical ceremony for Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). William Tyndale is believed to have coined the term “escape goat” in his 1530 English translation of The Bible, from the Hebrew version.

Redemption for the Narcissistic Family Scapegoat

Children of narcissists are trained to toe the family line and serve the needs of their disordered parents at great personal cost. Challenging the family system is considered a sacrilege, and it calls for a courageous commitment to the truth and a willingness to move away from home, figuratively and literally, into the wilderness of the world.

Although the strengths of the narcissistic family scapegoat make her/him a target, they are also her/his salvation. Scapegoats’ ability to see and question, along with their desire for justice, enable them to escape the family tyranny when others cannot. And their capacity for empathy, so unlike that of the grandiose and compassionless narcissist, gives them the ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships beyond their family of origin.

The (e)scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free.

Helpful? Buy me a coffee.Helpful? Buy me a coffee.

Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free from Da Capo Lifelong/Hachette Books. She is working on a memoir about life and a few near-deaths in a narcissistic family.

Need help? Julie provides specialized narcissistic abuse recovery coaching to clients around the world. 

Related Articles by Julie L. Hall

Images courtesy of Benjamin J. DeLong and Darklich14