Make a keystroke blindfolded and you’re likely to land on a mention of narcissism on the Internet. But nothing explains the shocking things narcissists are capable of better than real-life examples. Here are some doozies.
It’s All About Me
Maria had just watched her father die at the hospital the day before. They had known he was ill, but his death was sudden, surprising everyone. As Maria was accompanying her mother to her door, her mother-in-law, who lived a few houses down and was trudging by, launched into a diatribe about her car not starting. “She went off about her car problems, having to wait for AAA, and what bad luck she was having, without saying a word to us about my father. We just stood there listening for several minutes,” Maria said. “Suddenly she interrupted herself, hugged my mother and said she was sorry about things. She said nothing to me. Then she walked on ranting angrily about her car again. Mom and I just looked at each other in disbelief.”
Bad Blood
Kurt had long dealt with his narcissistic father’s harsh criticism of Kurt’s son Davie. Davie was brainy but easily distracted in school, unathletic, and going through a chubby phase. Kurt’s father regularly shamed and ridiculed his grandson. When Kurt’s wife left him, he was shattered to find out that she had been cheating on him with other men. His father learned about the affairs and suggested that Kurt’s son was not his biological child.
Kurt said, “My father told me, ‘Hasn’t it occurred to you that Davie isn’t yours? Now we know he’s someone else’s boy, not related to us.’” Kurt’s father did not attempt to disown Kurt’s younger daughter, who was a good student, slim, and athletic. “I told my father that Davie is my son, no matter what,” Kurt said.
Sweet Old Lady
Lenny had heard stories about his neighbor Janine, but she appeared to be a harmless older woman with a white cloud of hair and an oxygen machine at her side. One day she began talking about a friendly squirrel that lived in her yard. Lenny, an animal lover, listened eagerly.
Janine told him, “It comes on our back deck and eats nuts from the tree there. It walks right up to my husband and me as if to say hello every morning. It seems to want us to adopt it.” Getting to the point, she then explained that they were going to kill the squirrel, either by poisoning or trapping, because it just didn’t respect their property. “I’ve had enough of them. We are so generous, and they don’t respect it. We are the ones who know how to share, and they just abuse it.”
Blame the Victim
Christine’s grandfather began raping her when she was seven years old. Her parents were often out for the night partying, leaving her under her grandfather’s “supervision.” He told her she was a “bad girl,” that what he did was her fault, and that her parents would hate her if she said anything about what she “made him do.”
In time Christine grew withdrawn and angry. Her grades dropped, and she avoided being home by spending time on the streets with other kids. Finally, during a fight with her mother she said her grandfather had been touching her and forcing her to have sex. Her mother told Christine’s father, and he accused Christine of seducing her grandfather and “ruining the family.” He kicked her out of the house, leaving her homeless at 15 years old.
Bait and Switch
Lana described her father as a seasoned psychologist with a serial history of seducing and then dumping women, some of whom were his clients and always younger and more attractive than him. “My father is and never has been a good-looking man,” Lana said, “but he has an absolute tried-and-true process with women. He listens very carefully to what they really want and need in their lives and then supports it 1,000 percent—at first.”
Lana recalled that starting when she was about 13 her father would introduce her to the new women in his life always the same way. “He’d tell me in front of her, very charmingly, that I had to love her and that she was true family, something he always implied I was not.” Lana explained that after each new conquest fell in love with her father, he would raise the price tag for his attention. “He required them to provide more adulation of him and tolerate more and more derision from him. The wonderful promise would be increasingly withheld as they became desperate,” explained Lana. “I always knew when he was about to break up a marriage or relationship. He’d say the exact same thing: ‘I wish I had known how emotionally unbalanced she was.’”
Adding Insult to Injury
Helen’s parents often fought violently and after they divorced took out restraining orders against each other. One day when Helen was about 14 and her father stopped by to pick her up from her mother’s house, her mother, Maurine, emerged with a gun and shot at both Helen and her father. She missed Helen but hit her father, who fell forward across Maurine’s property line onto her lawn, in doing so violating the restraining order.
When the police investigated the shooting, Helen’s father declined to press charges against his ex-wife. But when the police approached her for questioning, Maurine, knowing there were no charges against her, admitted she had shot her ex and then added that she wanted to press charges against him for violating her restraining order.
Big Faker
Helen’s mother Maurine hated not being the center of attention. At the dinner table one night when Helen and her sisters and father were talking, Maurine suddenly slipped from her chair and collapsed onto the floor, apparently unconscious. Shocked and concerned, her family rushed to her side and picked up the phone to call 911, at which time Maurine regained consciousness.
The same scenario played out a few more times at the dinner table. If the conversation shifted away from Maurine, she would dramatically drop to the floor, eliciting concern from her family. Helen said, “Pretty soon we knew that Mom’s ‘fainting spells’ were yet another one of her ploys for attention. After that we just ignored her and talked over it. She continued to fall sometimes. She’d lie there for a bit and then pretend to wake up in confusion.”
Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free coming December 3, 2019, from Hachette Books. Preorder your copy now.
Need support? Julie offers specialized narcissistic abuse recovery coaching to clients around the world.
Related Articles by Julie L. Hall
- The Dos and Don’ts of CoParenting with a Narcissist Ex
- The Narcissistic Family: Cast of Characters and Glossary of Terms
- Healing a Sense of Foreshortened Future in Adult Children of Narcissists
- The Narcissist’s Caretakers: Caught Hook, Line, and Sinker
- What the Narcissist Fears Most
- Narcissist Parents Are Hurt Machines to Their Children
- Identifying the Covert Narcissist in Your Life: A Checklist
- Understanding Narcissistic Rage and Why It’s Not Your Fault
- Setting Boundaries with Narcissist Parents
- How to Protect Your Children from Your Narcissist Spouse
- Why Narcissists Will Never Love You and It’s Dangerous to Love Them
- The Overt Versus Covert Narcissist: Both Suck
- Seven Things Narcissists Will Never Do
- The Hidden Trauma of Neglect in the Narcissistic Family
- Enabling the Narcissist: How and Why It Happens
- How Narcissists Torture Others and Believe They’re Right to Do It
- Seven Sure-Fire Ways to Spot a Narcissist
- Maddening and Bizarre Things Narcissists Do Explained
- Behind the Narcissist Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar and Fraud
- Why You Should Not Feel Sorry for the Narcissist
- Adult Children of Narcissists Face Trauma-Induced Health Risks
- Raised by a Narcissist? 11 Healing Things to Do for Yourself Right Now
- What Raging Narcissists Break: A Real-Life Damage List
- The Burden of the Golden Child in the Narcissistic Family
- Narcissism 101: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding the Madness
- The Narcissism Disease Cluster in Families and How to End the Cycle
- A Daughter’s Story of One Hell of a Narcissistic Mother
- The Narcissist Parent’s Psychological Warfare: Parentifying, Idealizing, and Scapegoating
- Raised by Narcissists? Why You Can’t Afford the Wrong Therapist
- 4 Insidious Ways That Narcissistic Abuse Isolates the Victim
- It’s You and Me Baby: Narcissistic Head Games
- How and Why Narcissists Are Highly Skilled Abusers
- The Strength of the Narcissistic Family Scapegoat
- Life in the Fun House: Narcissistic Mirroring and Projection
- The Paradox of the Narcissist’s Unrequited Self-Love
- A Golden Child Story of Guilt in the Narcissistic Family
- 9 Best of the Worst Narcissist Mothers on Screen
- Understanding the Narcissist’s Disrespect, Envy, and Contempt
Images courtesy of J Hazard, elizaIO, Tex Texin and Incase, Creative Commons.
38 Comments
Thank you for your writing, Julie. I am getting fractionally better at spotting them. I takes me about a month now, down from 40 years.
You’re welcome. I hear you.
Thank you for your work, Julia.
You are welcome Laura.
I’m so sorry but Helen’s mother’s “fainting spells” had me rolling on the floor in laughter! It’s both of hilarious and tragic.
Me too!🤣
I’m from a narcissistic family and so was my ex-wife. I had a stroke – although I suspect it was trauma-induced physical immobility after having confronted my narcissistic father for the first time in my life. I was in hospital having brain scans and lumbar punctures but my mother in law suddenly developed a ‘terrible virus’ at exactly the same time! This ‘virus’ confined her to her bed for the entire time I was in hospital. It also meant that a) she didn’t have to visit me in hospital or support her daughter at a time of great stress and b) it set up both her and me as ‘victims’ in need in a triangular situation where my wife was then forced to choose between her husband and her mother. She chose me, and this became the defining moment when my wife could finally see the narcissistic dynamics at work with her mother.
Hi Gloria. I admit I had the same reaction, and that’s why I ended with that one, to kind of lighten things. It’s awful but also absurdly amusing—one my “favorite” ridiculous narcissistic behaviors.
Here’s what I consider my worst incident so far with my narc husband. The day after suffering a miscarriage, on the way home from the doctor, he wanted to stop and get himself some food from the BK drive thru. Fine. Then he wanted to stop and check out a house for sale we were interested in. Fine. After leaving this house which was in need of considerable work to be inhabitable, I expressed my concerns which of course angered him. He flew into the usual rage screaming uncontrollably while driving. When we pulled in the driveway I got out and he continued to yell as he got out. With both of us facing each other leaning into the car doors he raised his bag of uneaten food as if to throw it at me. Having reached my point of enough I said go ahead. (You know the point where you wish he would just go ahead and hit you or push you or follow through with that fist poised in front of your face to cause such reverberation that time sort of stops and the fight is over because ‘look what you made me do’). So I said go ahead and he did. He threw a full bag of Burger King food at me which hit me square in the forehead and left a knot. THE DAY AFTER I LOST OUR SECOND CHILD. No, he never said he was sorry, only that I told him to go ahead. And for a minute you truly take ownership because after all, you did dare him didn’t you?
I’m so sorry Christin. It’s astounding what they’re capable of, with little to no remorse. And, yeah, they train you to doubt and blame yourself against all reason.
Christin,
Thank you for sharing your story. I thought this must have been my partner of seven years it sounded so familiar. I had surgery for two broken fingers breaking a spill from falling off a bicycle. He insisted I ride that bicycle despite the fact I have MS and was too tired. I had surgery and afterwards he went tool shopping with me in tow. I had gallbladder surgery and he went skiing. My blood sugar hit 70 after an impromptu as usual demand he go somewhere with me. I fell over. Some EMTs tested my sugar and told him I needed food. He told me I had humiliated him by asking for help. He drove me to his house and dumped me outside of the house and drove away. He also raged and raged particularly in the car although also at other times. If I did not exactly what he said, he would randomly leave me stranded in say Seattle, etc. I finally told him I would not get into his car with him anymore. He not only had new supply (other men and women, I did not know about the men) and after seven years of dating and 29 months in his house, I got myself (with help of course) to a shelter. It is a slow road to recovery. It does happen and it will happen. Never give up.
This really helped me. My mother is always sicker than anyone in the family. Now at 81, yes, she is truly ill. But as a child and even an adult, she had to be the biggest victim. When I was diagnosed with MS, she made it all about her. She would tell people “I have to live for Alison.” When I fractured my ankle in high school she said I was fine and it was a week before I got an x-ray. She raged at me one night in Oregon (they have moved some 18 times) about a contacts lens that was stuck in my eye. My boyfriend was with me that night. He said, “My parents don’t treat me like that.” She was furious I woke her up.
I just do not think she can help being this way, or can she? Everyone says she is so sweet. But I started having night terrors about my mom once I left home. Sadly, I have encountered a string of narcs and I have reacted strongly. At this point in my life, I think I have to live with the symptoms and do my best. Lately I have been addressing the original wound. When I was a child I wrote in a diary, “When I grow up, I will not rage at my daughter and then give her gifts.” But I chose not to have children for a number of reasons including the fear I would be just like her.
I’m so sorry Alison. Yes, as children of narcissists we tend to fall into similar patterns as adults with other narcs, making it all the more tragic. It’s a long road, but you’re on your way.
Okay, now I’m upset about the squirrel. Please tell me someone intervened. God, I hate people.
I wish I could tell you the squirrel was spared from harm, but I don’t know what ultimately happened 🙁
When I was 26 it was my first wedding anniversary and my husband was deployed overseas. I was depressed and isolated so i called home to speak to my mother (who was marginally better than my father). He answered the phone and I asked if mum was there. No, she is out, says he. I was so desparate for a smidgen of support that i opened my soul a crack to him. Dad, its my wedding anniversary and Tom is away, im feeling a bit down. His reply. ‘youve made your bed now you must lie in it”. I was devastated. I was also extremely angry. I replied ‘thats it, im not speaking with you again’. I put the phone down. The penny finally dropped of this extremely self absorbed man. That was the final in a long line of ‘straws’. Next thing i get is a phone call from my cousin. ”Your dads been on the phone to me crying – hes really upset and wants you to call him’. WTF. No, never again. I was done. Ten years later i moved to the other side of the world and when he was dying he was asking for me. I could not spare the time nor the money for that vile monster
Right now I’m going through a divorce with a narcissist, I have so many stories to tell about what I went through with him. The first one that came to my mind, was when I just found out that I was pregnant, my very close uncle committed suicide and I wasn’t allowed to cry, because the baby would be “dumb” because of it. He wouldn’t stop saying (for almost 3 hours) how my mother (who didn’t knew at the time that I was pregnant) was such and evil piece of $hit for telling me about it.
He tried to destroy my self esteem, isolate me from friends and family and still tried to play the victim. Every single day I feel better and stronger, he’s is still trying to control my baby boy and myself about everything.
My dear narcopath mom used to say, “I’ll give you something to really cry about.” Brutal….
My narcissistic mother too used to tell me “stop it, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.” The context of this was I’d be screaming and crying during being “smacked “, usually for some very minor issue, often I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. Her version of smacking was to pull me up by an arm so my toes barely touched the ground and then thump me multiple times, it was excruciatingly painful and unfortunately a near daily occurrence. Afterward she’d look for bruises and when she found them she’d blame me by saying if I had just taken it rather than trying to get away she wouldn’t have had to hit as hard. I am the family scapegoat and a doctor now. I’ve become estranged from her for 3 reasons. Firstly, through God’s love I know I don’t need her tacit approval to be deserving of love. Secondly, through my work I’ve learned I don’t need or deserve to put up with abuse. Thirdly, now I have children I can’t imagine how anyone could treat their own child that way.
My ex was always leaving a mess around the house and refused to help around the house, and constantly told me and everyone who would listen how lazy I was (even though I worked full time and was raising a daughter). Whenever I complained about the mess, he would tell me that before he met me, he was a neat freak and always kept his house clean, but since we started dating he wasn’t like that anymore so it was my fault that he had changed. He actually told people–and they believed him–that it was my fault he was lazy!
My grown daughter believes that I am a narcissistic mother. She has “gone no contact” with me and all members of our family and friends of mine for about 2 years. All 4 of her grandparents are still living and are in their 90’s. One grandmother she was close too and loves her very much, they have never had a problem or argument. She moves and changes her phone number, so we don’t have them. I have sent my granddaughter, who is innocent and with whom I used to be close, holiday and birthday cards with checks and family photos to my granddaughter’s school, being careful not to say anything bad against her mother (my daughter). My daughter is infuriated that I have done this. My daughter was diagnosed as bipolar when she was 15 and I did get her professional help at that time. It is 20 years later and she says therapy and meds have not helped her, because there is nothing wrong with her, it is me who is to blame. My question is what should I do now? There seems to be no way to reach her and I have simply accepted this as her wish and plan to go on with my life as if she and my granddaughter were not in the world. My granddaughter might contact me one day but I don’t think my daughter ever will again. Is this the right thing for me to do, just accept it, pick up the pieces of my heart and go on? In my case I am sure my daughter has an illness, but lets say she is right and I am a narcissistic mother. Would you have any advice to a narcissistic mother, who has been cut off, in terms of helping the adult son or daughter?
This sounds very painful. I’m now offering consults for people looking for guidance. You can read about it under Consult on the Home page here.
Yes, very painful. All of the grandparents will probably pass without ever hearing from her again. Apparently “going no contact” with parents is a thing nowadays. I know a surprising number of people in this situation; it was uncommon to hear of this years ago. I would guess that the instances in which this is a good idea are still pretty rare. I would guess that in many instances, it is done as punishment to the parent over some unresolved issue, a parent’s flaw (no one is perfect), or in some cases by bullying, entitled (spoiled), mean adult kids. Ask yourself are you doing this to punish your parent or to protect yourself from real abuse? And also ask yourself is this person really a narcissist? It is also worth pointing out that ALL people have some narcissistic habits. It is not something you have or don’t have, it is a spectrum of low to high and we will be somewhere on the spectrum. I have read this and other blogs trying to understand what my daughter is thinking, and I believe I am low on the spectrum and she is bipolar and believes I am a narcissist.
I already know there is nothing I can do. I can just wait and be prepared to wait years or probably a lifetime. If I do nothing, she will say “see, my mother has abandoned me because I no longer feed her needs.” If I continue to try to reach her, I will be “stalking” or “harassing.” I won’t win with her no matter what I do. So I will just go on with my life, live well, stay healthy, send my energy and love in a new direction, and leave the back door ajar in case she changes her mind, or my granddaughter contacts me, during my lifetime.
Thank you for this information. I’m a recovering scapegoat with a narcopath sibling who was violently abusive until I went no contact. My mother is her enabler, my other sibling and family members are her flying monkeys. The lot of them even almost succeeded in having me committed, but not quite, thankfully.
I’ve never had more peace than this. I’m still getting over the what could have been or what i wish had been but I try to concentrate on what will be instead. The loneliness is the hardest part, even harder than knowing what other people believe about you.
Out of the Fog has a large forum where you can find others in your situation to talk with. Be well Amanda.
Thank you for this site. These stories reminded me of the time I had a horrible throat infection, I was 15 years old. My mother kept telling me it was my own fault it didn’t get better because I wasn’t gargling enough. Finally one morning, I could not swallow and could barely breathe. I said, please, please help me. Her answer was “what the hell do you want me to do about it?” I asked her to take me to the ER. She yelled at me in the car the whole time, telling me how much trouble I would be in when the doctor said there was nothing wrong with me. The doctor took one look and said “whoa, that’s a raging infection!” I got the medicine I needed including strong pain medication. She never apologized.
my brother was the golden child, an engineer, and I was raised the scapegoat by our Dad. Like my Dad, “Bret” is always right about everything. He married young and controlled his wife through constant whining, bickering, and humiliation. After 60 years of marriage they are just alike., each relating in toxic anger. She is controlling, angry, and sick of being around him. She just had a CVA and will not change anything to help her illness. He just had a serious MI and refuses to take his meds because his body is so unlike any other patient’s and the meds wlll harm him in intolerable ways. He refuses to listen to anyone and I fear this is going to be the end of his life. The doctors “won’t tell him anything” and are just “in it for the money.” I have devoted my life to medicine and healing and his behavior hurts so much that I have serious difficulty speaking to him. He picks fights just to argue. He has always belittled my profession and me. We have had some awful arguments for which I apologized, but he insists his part was just to disagree for fun and hopes that I “never took him seriously.” I’m tired of the game playing. He is my last living relative. Note that because he is my brother I wish for a peaceful resolution. Everyone tells me not to expect anything and just accept that he is incapable of change. I feel very depressed.
I just found your site and I’m glad I did. I divorced a diagnosed BPD but my current girlfriend has the most over the top NPD. My concern isn’t either of them it’s her daughters. There are four of them a d they all fit the usual roles, the oldest is the lost child and is displaying many of her fathers traits. The middle was the golden child and although no one wants to say a diagnosis is in a DBT program of sorts. Number 3 was the scale goat and has some anger issues. Additionally, she has been court ordered not to see him. The youngest is 6 so who knows how that will go, she’s the only one who sees him. I have two boys that I haven’t r custody of so there’s 8 of us in total!
Now that the background is out of the way, I’m writing because I need help reaching these girls. My boys and I are affectionate and don’t yell at each other. The girls yell about anything that causes an emotion. Everything is someone else’s fault, isn’t fair or even if it has nothing to do with them a reason to be mad. I’m close to all of them but the golden child who either loves me or hates depending on the day. (Common trait I know) What is difficult is watching them blow up relationships and absolutely destroy each other. Their “dad” still works hard to undermine my GF and doesn’t care if he destroys his kids in the process. What tools are out there for my GF and I to shut down this destructive dynamic? Any help is greatly appreciated as we are at our wits end. By the way we don’t live together because I don’t want my sons exposed to all of this. She and I have been together for 3 years and I’ve never met a harder working and good person. Trust me after my 18 yr marriage I’m always looking to see if it’s a mask and I truly believe she is a good person.
Hi Edward. It sounds like a painfully difficult situation with very classic dynamics playing out. My book (coming out in early December) addresses just these kinds of issues, including the roles children play and how to help them manage. I offer consulting/coaching and would be happy to work with you/her/them.
Thank you and are you in the US? I also reread my statement and obviously proofreading is not my strength, sorry if it was confusing. Any help would be appreciated and I think they can be reached but he has done an unbelievable amount of damage to these girls. The stories I could tell you about him aren’t just mean and self-absorbed but really delusional. The injury of her kicking him out has driven him to a sort of psychosis where even though he (45 yrs old) lives with his parents, has no job and hasn’t in 20 yrs, and is headed to jail for a lack of support; still feels he’s smarter than everyone else and wildly successful.
After living in the bazaar world of BPD I thought I had seen it all but he has taken things to a new level. You have my email please feel free to reach out to me. I love these girls and their mother, I just want them to be able to have true relationships in their lives.
Yes, I’m in the U.S., west coast. I’ll leave further reach out to you.
[…] Horrid and Shocking Things Narcissists Say and Do […]
Here’s one of my own.
My father was dying in the hospital and time was very near for death. He became combative with hospital personnel trying to do tests. So they called my mother.
She was unable to get anyone of my 4 siblings on the phone to give her a ride to the hospital. I ended up doing it for her. I tried to be nice and told her he wasn’t in his right mind and to be prepared for abusive behavior. I also told her if he said anything shocking or hateful that it wouldn’t be him but his condition at fault.
I ended up talking him into taking the tests and handling the situation. He was far gone and it ended up being the last time I saw him, I was the last to see and talk to him.
While driving my mother back to her place she talked about a few minor things. Then she suddenly stated “Its a good thing infanticide is illegal because you wouldn’t have been around to give me a ride.” Pretty sick. I gave no response just sped up a bit more to get her back home sooner.
I don’t understand how everyone’s exes and parents can be narcs when only 1-1.5% of the population has it? Could this term be misused or confused with something else? Or, does it go back to the fact we only recognize traits in others when we have them. To put it crudely, the smellers the feller.🤷♀️
My mother would say to me:
That she was going to run away.
“You are so G** D*** sensitive!”
“My heart bleeds for you!”
“I should have drown you in the toilet when you were a baby!”
My father’s favorite lines were:
“Shame on you!”
“I’ll give you something to cry about!”
I am leaving my covert narcissist spouse. In the last year I had “graciously allowed” him to have a sexual and romantic relationship with another woman. She even lived with us for a time. This was a man who once swore absolute devotion and adoration to me. The point where I woke up is when he told me, while smiling, in normal conversation; that she was better at oral sex and her vagina was better. He said it like I should’ve been happy for him. My brain just broke.
“I HOPE THAT MY STORY HELPS SOMEONE RUN FROM THEIR NARC PARTNER BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE !!!
I was young (age25), crazy in love & didn’t know at the time, that I had married a narc. Of course he had love-bombed me & treated me like a princess the first 5 years of marriage.My husband wanted to go into business for himself, so from the very beginning, I alone, provided for our household financially. I worked 50-60 hours every week- raised our daughter-cut the grass-cleaned the house – did the laundry, cooked dinners nightly, did my husbands bookkeeping- handled the finances for our home, etc. The next 10 years were so difficult because my husband began drinking heavily & he complained about everything. At 116 lbs I was too thin, at 130 lbs I was too fat- I was lazy- I was the ugliest woman he had ever seen – if a piece of equipment broke down, it was my fault. He accused me of cheating & trying to compete with him. He then started bullying me & insisting that “he was going to win”. Throughout our marriage I endured verbal, emotional & physical abuse. Being raised in a devout religious home, divorce wasn’t an option, so I stayed. At the end of 15 years I couldn’t take the abuse any longer, so I met with 4 different attorneys in hopes of getting a divorce; however, they all informed me that I had waited too long. I was advised that because I had always been the financial provider, my husband would get the home, I would pay alimony & child support even if I took my daughter with me, I would be responsible for 50% of his business debt ($400k) & legal fees of $18k must be paid in 12 months! Although I was beyond miserable, I stayed because I couldn’t afford to divorce him. I prayed & prayed for God to give me strength & to help me. Then in 2002, after 20 years of marriage, he died in a car accident. It wasn’t until 13 years after his death, that his “friend” disclosed to me that my husband had slept with more than 75 women throughout our marriage! I also discovered that he had a son by of the women, he had purchased homes for 2 & gave spending $$ to another. (No wonder he never had any money, to help pay the bills at home). I recently began researching NARC & I now realize that my husband met every single item listed for NARC traits/behavior. I wish there were programs or classes that would teach young women, to be aware of narc red flags,etc. No woman should ever endure the ABUSE that I did, because I am scarred for life.
Psychiatrists can be narcissists, too. Mine was a fresh-faced young doctor when I first went to him, both of us in our late 30’s. He was personable but I sensed a wide streak of laziness in his manner. Even the way he sat and twirled his pen and stared out the window when I was talking . At least I thought it was laziness, then. When I asked for help when the medication he prescribed doubled DOUBLED my weight in a few months, he said. “It’s better to be fat and sane than thin and insane. Don’t eat so much.” When I started telling him about a difficult family situation one day he said, “If you want someone to listen to your problems, go see a therapist or a psychologist. I am a medication manager like all proper psychiatrists.” He even put this in a letter to all of his patients not long after that. Laziness, I thought. I saw this doctor every 3 months for 20 years. He never remembered my name or my diagnosis. NEVER. Finally, he lost his license because the psychiatric hospital where he was the chief medical officer had been holding adolescents without letting their parents see them or talk to them…until their insurance ran out. Then he would tell the parents to come pick them up. Now that I know about narcissism, the lightbulb went on in my head: Narcissist! He wasn’t lazy, he just didn’t care. He was in it for the money, and probably to be able to have “Dr.” in front of his name to impress people.